


Seeing Your Ex

by PurdyBaby



Category: InuYasha - A Feudal Fairy Tale
Genre: F/M, Inuvember (InuYasha)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-01
Updated: 2020-11-01
Packaged: 2021-03-08 17:53:52
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,316
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27360796
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PurdyBaby/pseuds/PurdyBaby
Summary: Inuvember 2020: November 1st - Inuyasha
Relationships: InuYasha/Kikyou (InuYasha)
Kudos: 5





	Seeing Your Ex

Inuyasha cringed as Kikyo’s soul collectors could be seen floating through the trees. Instantly, he was internally screaming because he had felt completely over Kikyo a few moments earlier, believed he was ready to make a move on Kagome, that he was _finally_ at peace with what had happened despite the lack of closure but then the sight of those stupid serpents was all it took to really how absolutely _not_ fine he really was. 

Nothing was worse — _nothing_ — than having to face the fact that he wasn’t as good as thought he’d been. Panic inducing anxiety usually followed that realization because the only thing worse than not being over her was that she _knew_ he wasn’t over her. Every time they’d met he’d humiliate himself all over again despite his best efforts. Usually say or do something that made him look desperate or pathetic. Set himself back fifty years and would have to start from scratch to regain any momentum he had going with Kagome. It wasn’t like he could defend himself....he honestly had no clue what it meant to feel this way. Why he felt this way. Why he had the bizarre compulsion to see her. He didn’t _want_ to see her. Not _really_. He was tired of feeling this way and yet every _single_ **_time_** his stupid ass jumped straight back in. Then, of course, grief was underlying everything to make this already terrible mix of emotions that much more complicated. Someone he’d essentially shared a life with wanted him dead. Hated him. Blamed him. Which she should. He had loved her and yet clearly hadn’t loved her all at the same time. Willing to believe she was attacking him like that was somehow _logical_. If the same thing happened with Kagome, he would instantly know something was wrong. Instantly. Because he loved Kagome. Actually loved Kagome which told him all he needed to know. That fact should’ve been enough to kick his ass into gear but it wasn’t and that knowledge made him physically ill. Their mutual betrayals should have been enough to get him over Kikyo. It took next to nothing for them to turn on each other. After all he had a working nose. He should’ve known it wasn’t Kikyo but he’d been willing to believe it despite his better judgment. Whether it was from his habitual self-destructive tendencies or... Anyway, not only was it bad enough that seeing even the hint of her felt like a punch in the stomach, but realizing that it felt like a punch in the stomach made him want to curl up and die. Guilt and disgust surged to all knew heights. Made him wonder what was wrong with him because something was terribly, _terribly_ wrong to make him this way. Kikyo tried to kill him. Tried to kill his friends. Teamed up with quite possibly the most evil being that walked this earth. Over and over she did things that should’ve had him moving on and yet all it did was make him bizarrely more obsessed. Did he enjoy pain? Was that it? Seemed like he enjoyed being tortured. Maybe years of being hunted and hated created a disturbing fetish? He wouldn’t lie. The thought of Kagome biting him or scratching his back until it bled sometimes invaded his more vivid sexual fantasies. The idea of her shocking him with a little purification endlessly arousing. Holding him down. Maybe even tying him down. Pulling his hair. On occasion he’d even envisioned Kagome insulting him as she explored his body. Telling him he was weak or pathetic as he arched into her touch. A bizarre desire to associate pain with pleasure would explain everything. All of his strange emotions towards Kikyo very well could be blamed on a fetish. Maybe he was into pain. Seemed like a good solid explanation. An acceptable explanation. Well not _acceptable_ but...but better than no explanation at all. He shifted his weight as those visions had heat pooling in the bottom of his stomach. This was neither the time or the place. Inhaling deeply to calm himself down turned out to be a mistake. Kagome was right there. Her heart rate fast. Her breathing sharp and shuddering. Biting his lip, he prayed that maybe his arousal would be motivation enough to fight the compulsion to leave. Which it wasn’t. A soft groan of frustration escaped his lips. Maybe it was because, worst of all, there was still that secret hope that maybe, just _maybe_ , Kikyo might take him back. Despite the fact that he knew he didn’t _actually_ want that, the disgusting hope was still there. Which meant he couldn’t be with Kagome just yet and he _desperately_ wanted to be with that woman. To have her kiss him and hold him. Run her fingertips across his skin. Hold his wrists down as she pressed her lips against his neck. The phantom sensation had him shiver slightly as the pulsing down south became almost painful. How the hell was it countless hours of fantasizing wasn’t enough to get him to move on? That these thoughts that made him want to squirm didn’t override everything else? Maybe it was because every time he fantasized about being with Kagome, it felt like he was _cheating_ even though he was very much available. It felt like he was doing something _wrong_ and because he was the emotional wreck he was, he usually ended up making the situation _worse._ Ended up driving the woman he wanted away. At a minimum, he hoped Kagome would tell him to stay instead of just letting him walk into Kikyo’s arms. He wanted a reason not to go. To have an excuse. Something holding him back. Telling him it was the bad idea he knew it was and knock some sense into him. Not that he hoped Kagome got hurt when he was with Kikyo but that’d definitely be the kick on the pants he needed. What was wrong with him? That was a fucked up thing to hope for. Come on now, what if she died or something? The rush of fear that flooded him at when the idea of that happening almost tipped the scales. Almost. There was no immediate risk of that happening so it wasn’t like... God he was sick. Destroying his life, his _future_ because his mind wouldn’t get with the program. “Just go,” Kagome sighed in disgust, “Kikyo’s waiting.” Closing his eyes, Inuyasha tried to fight the urge to scream. Kagome deserved someone who was strong enough to not feel this way. Who wasn’t so broken. Who’d be able to say no. She deserved literally anyone other than him. Even...even _Koga_. Koga wasn’t broken. He knew what he wanted. Everyone in their right mind wanted Kagome and yet she wanted to the one guy too big a mess to accept her. And it hurt her. Hell it hurt _him_. Glaring at the soul collector, Inuyasha half-wondered if Kikyo knew what she was doing. Scratch that, she did know. It wasn’t a question of if. Just...just how _dare_ she? How _fucking_ ** _dare_** she? Sighing when the scent of Kagome’s tears hit his nose, Inuyasha silently prayed Kagome had better luck moving on than he was having because he didn’t know when or if he’d be able to overcome this. Would her moving on destroy what little of his heart remained? Yes. Would it all be his fault if she stopped loving him? Yup. Would he be forever alone? Most likely. “I’ll be right back,” he mumbled as he launched into the trees, “Don’t wait up for me.“ A part of him prayed Kagome understood what he really meant while the rest of him hoped that vague statement had gone right over her head. That she’d wait as long as it took for him to put himself back together.


End file.
